Jenee (01:18.634) 
I have Marie Gonzalez here with me today. Marie is one of my friends. She is a powerhouse leader in the feminine space and the wellness space. I met her in Tucson last year and after an event we went out for dinner and just like got on and like I felt we were like in simpatico talking about women's voices and hadn't heard anyone speak about liberating the voice and the power of, you know, opening the voice and the power of female embodiment like you did. I was just like, you know, I just felt like we were, you know, heart sisters from that moment on. And then you've had me down to do a couple events in like the women's spaces, sacred spaces for voice and so Marie is a multifaceted healer, multifaceted healer, a Dharma coach, she's a spiritual coach, she's a Reiki to healer, she's a ceremonialist, she does beautiful, beautiful cacao ceremonies that I've gotten a chance to take part in, a sound healer, a breath work facilitator, she just recently did her 200 hour YTT awaken yoga certification in Costa Rica. That was really fun to watch you come out of that. And did I miss anything else? I think that was it. 

Marie:
Yeah. Sometimes I feel like, wait, there's a whole list and I'm like, yeah, yeah. Yes. It evolves, right? The list evolves as I evolve. So it's all good. Yup.

Jenee:
I wanted to, was, you know, I know your story. You told me your story like the first night that we went out for dinner and I was like blown away by you. I was just, I left feeling so inspired and I, every time I see you on Instagram, like it's like a medicine for me to like get on your page and hear whatever it, you know, you're speaking about for the, for the week or for the day and you really have like the fiery, the powerful sound current. so that night you were telling me about your story and I'll save kind of what you told me for a little bit down the road, but we'll get into it. I'm reading your bio and this is like, it just brought tears to my eyes and you're talking about how you're having, you have this moment and I don't know how many years ago this was, where you wake up in the morning, or is it at night? 

Marie:
Yeah, that was a morning. Yeah. Yeah. And you look in the mirror and you don't recognize who you're looking at. Yeah. And I was wondering if you could just take us through that process of looking into your eyes for the first time and being like, all you saw was this old woman that was half dead or on her way out the door. yeah. Yeah. So this was actually this actually in July. It's a four year anniversary from that from that moment. I had had a miscarriage earlier in the month and towards the end of the month. It was just all these things were coming together in my mind like being able to process like is this really the life that you want? And so I felt those feelings coming up inside of me but realized that I hadn't really taken the time to look at myself in the mirror, right? We brush our teeth every day, we brush our hair, we do all these things but we don't actually like look ourselves in the eye and that particular day I caught eyes with myself and I didn't recognize that the woman looking back at me had no idea who that person was. I'm like, she looks like me, but she's old, she's tired, she's sad, she's defeated. She's all these things that I felt like I'm not, right? Like, this is not me. I'm not, you know, sad and tired and hurting all the time and in pain.

But it took that moment for me to realize like, this is where you are right now. Like this is what is reflecting back in the world. And it really just like broke my heart because I didn't know who I was anymore. And I realized in that moment that everything that I thought I was and everything I felt I was, was dying. So I was like watching and witnessing this woman that was losing her life, losing her light. And in that moment, I just started crying. And I'm crying and I'm looking in the mirror and I'm like, how did I get to this place? What have I done to myself? And I realized that I didn't want to be that person. And I'm like, that's not me but that's what was being reflected back. And I had this moment where like I heard this little tiny voice, like, I'm still here. And I just bawled, like I just cried. And it was like, that light was still inside of me. But it was like, if you stay in this relationship, if you stay in this situation, this part of you cannot survive. Like it won't survive this. And in that moment, I hit my knees and I just felt this hug, right? I just felt this hug like everything's going to be okay. And I surrendered in that moment. And I said, you know, God, creator, universe source, mom, you know, my mom's been passed since 2012. So in that moment, I'm like, whoever is listening, whatever is listening, I realize I can't get out of this on my own. I need you. And then I let it go. I just, I completely surrendered. I let it go and just trusted that the opportunity would come, that I would find the strength. I would find the way out because I had already tried to find a way out of this marriage two years before that. And it was unsuccessful. So I was like, you know what? I can't do it on my own. I need help. And in that moment I surrendered.

In September of 2020, I got my way out. And it was a way that I couldn't have orchestrated on my own. Absolutely not. Yeah. When you know that your ancestors and source and angels and the angels are like putting together the chain of events, it's like all we have to do is just surrender and say, you know, yeah, please help and then it's in trust. And it's illogical, the sequence of events that can happen. can you share with us a little bit about like, where, how you even got to that point in the bathroom? Like, you know, how long were you in this marriage and what was taking place? wow. So I was in this marriage, it was going on four years and…it was a battle with his addiction, but it was also a battle with, you know, being raped, being tortured, being manipulated, being isolated from my family, from my friends, and then being gaslighted into thinking that, like, they were not good for you or this wasn't good. You weren't really happy. weren't really like your family really wasn't there for you. All these things. And you know, I would always have to check in with myself and I'd be like, would my mom do this? Would my mom say that? Would, you know, would, would my dad do this? And when I started putting these things together, I'm like, no, like this situation is really unhealthy. This situation is killing the light that's in me. Like I'm literally being sucked, like the life being sucked right out of me. And I had had a miscarriage

Earlier that month when I found out I was pregnant and I looked at the pregnancy test, I knew I wasn't going to give birth. Like I knew in that moment, like my intuition was that strong and it was like, you're pregnant now, but this child isn't going to be born. And so there was this fear born inside of me because I was like, is something going to happen? Like something traumatic and it's going to kill the baby or am I going to go into laboror am I not gonna be able to carry this because of all the stress that I was in? I'm like, this is, and I begged, I prayed, I'm not, like, I will be completely honest, I begged for it not to destroy yeah. Because the thoughts that were coming in my mind of the things that could happen that could cause that pregnancy to terminate. Yeah. You know, or have a stillborn or experience something so horrific that it would, you know, cut that baby's life force off. I didn't know if I could handle that. I think it was two or three days later after I got that pregnancy test, I miscarried. Wow. And I miscarried on my in the bathroom of the ER because I went in there, I knew something wasn't right and it happened. It happened alone in the bathroom and I was a little bit sad that it had to happen that way because I felt like even more isolated and alone, but I understood that it had to be that way because then I was able to fully express my emotions in that moment because I wasn't sad. I was grateful.

I was, and I'm like, how would I, and it's getting me teary-eyed now because I was like, how could I have expressed that? Being watched, you know? Like how could I have expressed that gratitude? Like that deep gratitude, like thank you for allowing this to happen in this way without trauma and without like this deep wound that who knows what that would have done to me, you know? Yeah. So with that, I was able to feel that gratitude in that moment and thanking that life, thanking it for finding a way for me to not carry it, but in a way that wasn't traumatic, in a way that wasn't going to scar me. And so I struggled with that for a few days because I was like, how am I happy, but also sad and also feeling like this was my way out because then I wasn't in that position to need someone else. You know, and so it was a lot of emotions. It was a lot of emotions all at once. And then he fell back into his addiction. And then I was still stuck in that. I'm like, this is not my life. You know, and my my oldest at the time had told me, you know, Mom, I remember you used to be so happy all the time. You used to smile all time. play all the time. And to get that reflection from my own child at that time, you know, he was 10, about to be 11. And I was like, what am I doing? And do I want my kids to think that this is what life is, that this is what love is, that this is what marriage is, that this is what family is? And I was like, no, no.no. So at that point it was like, so what are you going to do about it? Yeah. And I realized in that moment, I couldn't do it on my own. I couldn't do it without divine help. I'll put it that way. Yeah. You know, I needed that guidance and that support so that I understood like within me that I could channel that, that energy and that strength and trust that I would be guided in the right, you know, in the right direction to get myself out of it.

You know, with that also came having to have the courage to take those steps. Because I was given a way out and I had a choice. Still then I could have stayed and I chose to leave, you know, and I found that strength to leave and to continue on that path of setting myself free and literally setting myself and my whole life on fire so that it could burn the fuck up. And so that I could be reborn in a new light and in a new way and in a new strength and with a new purpose. So it was a lot. Amazing. But it was beautiful. 

Jenee:
Thank you for sharing that. my gosh. a hero's journey, heroine's journey. So I'm just curious, at that point, how old's your youngest? 

Marie:
So my youngest now is four. So she was... at the time... She was about seven months. Six, seven.

Jenee:
Wow. So that would have been really, like, really tough to have two little ones, you know, and be in the marriage and... But that's, I mean, that's incredible, incredible courage to have, you know, did you have four kids? I had five. Five kids. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, and the younger three were all still in diapers. They are all a year apart. So it was for me, was just like, just don't have the capacity to take care of everybody and myself. Like I was the last person getting nourished and like there's no way I can continue, you know? My health was bad too. My teeth were literally falling out of my mouth. They were just breaking and falling out. And then there would be days where I just couldn't eat because I wasn't allowed to. I wasn't given that space to. You know, so it was a constant struggle, physical, mental, emotional, sexual, all of the, like, it's like I was getting hit in every single department. And I'm like, holy hell, how, how do, one, how do I keep it together? Right? Cause that I used to ask myself all the time, like, how have you not just crumbled and fallen apart yet? And so that part of it was, you tapping into that too and realizing like you're stronger than you realize that you are, but just because you are strong doesn't mean you have to be strong. Exactly. don't have to put myself in positions to show, look how strong I am, look at what I can endure. I'm like, no, that's killing you, you know? And that's what I was doing. I was suffering to say that I could be married or had a family and it just wasn't worth it. Yeah. I know it's so strange

Jenee: (17:25.185)
We get ourselves into these situations and we can feel so trapped. You know, and it's like, we just, it's like, we can't see the doors. We can't see the way out. And I really feel like it takes that moment of absolute surrender. You're being tested to your max. You have no idea how much capacity you have for like the ability to do anything. And I really feel like that is the fire underneath you when I hear you speaking and you have that sound current of pure power. And this is what I find with the people that I interview that have gone through their journey, their hero's journey or their awakening, and they're like, everybody goes through their own version of that hell.

Marie:
And that is what gives them the power and the strength to turn around and really start to make a difference for other people. So I'm wondering if you can speak a little bit to like, once you left, how was your process of like healing and then deciding this is my purpose, this is my mission to help other women embody, get into their wombs, like liberate their voices.

Understand their power. I'm wondering if you can tell us a little bit about that process Yeah, so there's a there's a few layers to it, but Really where it started was Then when I was alone and it was only my voice that I could could hear like that was the dominant voice Then I was able to decipher Like what other voices were in there? because it wasn't my story that I was replaying in my head. was what I was being told to be controlled, be stuck in that relationship, right? you have five kids from three different dads. Nobody's gonna want you. You have this, you're getting government assistance. Who are you to do anything, to say anything? And I had to look at those things and really not to carry shame in that shame and needing help outside of me. And that alone took me a while. Like I've been working on that up until this year even. Like if I'm being completely honest, like that has been a deep shame of mine. And I had to realize, I'm like, why? Why am I ashamed of needing help? Why am I ashamed of receiving help? Like everybody needs it at some point.

You know, there are ways of, you know, abusing that or, you know, being a taker and not like giving, but I'm like, that's not you. You're not just take, take, taking and using things up or using people up. And so that's, that's been something I've been working on. But initially what it was is learning to feel safe in my own body. My body had not been mine for so that I almost didn't know how to be in it and feel safe and to honor it because, you know, I was pregnant three years in a row and then I was enduring, you know, torture, rape for on and off for four years. So it was like saying no wasn't honored. Saying I need food didn't fucking matter saying I needed a break, I needed sleep didn't matter. So for me, it was learning all of that. Like I get to choose that. I get to say when I'm going to bed, I get to sleep through the night without being woken up. I get to make a meal when I want to. Like that for me in the beginning was really difficult because I'm like, I don't know what to do.
Now I can do it, but like how? Like it was really weird. And then what was also a struggle for me was being touched and being a very loving person and having kids, you know, I always wanted to hug them and kiss them. And they had learned that from me, but them sitting next to me and touching my arm would make me feel like I was screaming inside in a room and nobody would fucking turn to look. Like that's what it felt like. And so I started getting curious, like, why do I feel this way? What is this? And how do I fix it? You know, and I had to have a conversation with my kids and tell them, look, I love you. I love that you want to hug me. I love that you want to kiss me. But when you touch me without like asking first or without like telling me first, it makes mommy feel really angry inside and it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Wow. And I said until I can fix that, I like, need you guys to just be respectful of that. And like, if you come sit next to me, ask me to touch me first or tell me. And it was weird for them at first, because it's kind of like, the hell? Like I have to ask. But it was like, I needed that so that I take my power in being able to say no or yes to someone touching me. That's brilliant. And it was, you know, and this is all intuitive shit coming up. Like, OK, this is what I'm feeling. OK, why am I feeling this way? What does it mean? And then also asking that, right? Asking myself, my higher self creator, and then waiting for the answers. Then books would fall into my lap, podcasts would show up mysteriously on my phone. This is suggested for you. And that's when I found breath work and mantra chanting and started doing these little things and journaling again. I used to journal, then I stopped journaling. Cause in my marriage, my pages of my journal would get ripped out and be used against me or like kept as a way of If you do this, I'll tell people this, that you wrote that or whatever. And it was like used against me. And so it was like even my own words were used against me. And so I had to relearn all of that and create a safe space for me to be me. Like, yeah, who would even think that you would have to create your own space to be you? And that was what I had to do. And it started out with breathwork being able to journal, being able to meditate. know, most people think, meditation means you have to sit still and be quiet and be this. And it's like, no, sometimes it's just being able to close your eyes and acknowledge where you are. I'm in my Yeah, being present. Yeah. Totally. I'm here right now. And so it was little tools like that. And then they just kept building and kept building. And then when I started being able to feel again and trust my body, I was like, other women need to know this. Other people need to know this. All the tools, everything is already inside of you. And it, it excited me, and two, it just lit this fire because when I did go to Emerge and I was in support groups, I'm like, everybody's staying in this, you're a victim, this is what happens to you. And it didn't sit right with me. like, it did. I'm like, yes, it happened. But I was like, it happened for me. Like if just that switch alone was like, okay, so what can I learn from this? What boundaries do I need to have? What kind of relationships do I want? What kind of, you know, practices do I want in my day? And when I made that shift, those groups no longer worked for me because I couldn't stay in that.

I couldn't stay in that place. I'm like, absolutely. I don't want to be 10, 15 years down the line still feeling like, oh, I was gaslighted. Oh, I was love bombed. Oh, I was with a narcissist. Oh, I was sexually abused. I'm like, no, I want my fucking power back and I'm going to take it back. And and like, that's what I did. And it it took a lot of fucking work and it took multiple initiations to to get my voice back. Yeah.

But it's like, but I wouldn't have it any other way because I wouldn't be me. And then when I do share my story and I am holding ceremony, I come from that place. Like, yeah, you see me now and I'm smiling and I'm this and my nervous system is regulated. But I'm like, I went through hell to get there. Totally. And no matter where you are in your stage of healing, you can transform you can feel better, you can be strong again, you can have your power back, you can say no, you can say yes. You can do these things and you have the permission to and sometimes you need someone to remind you of your power and to be that example. And I'm like, that's what I'm meant to do. Because came out organically. didn't decide to do any of this. It all showed up and I would just share my story or speak and some would be like, wow, I can't believe you went through that. I would have never thought that happened to you because you're always smiling and you're always happy and you're so loving. I'm like, because I chose that. I chose not to be broken. I chose not to stay in that, you know? So it was, you know, it was it was like a flow, right? Like just this river that I just kept going on and learning different tools and learning different modalities and learning how to reconnect and love myself and forgive myself and release shame and guilt, you know, because there was even layers within that of things that I missed out on with my family because I was in that marriage.

And then also realizing that other people had their own ideas about what was going on and they were taking things personally. So it was like, it was a lot of work and a lot of being able to still, you know, hold my head up high and be like, okay, I can listen to this and hear you. But you have no fucking idea what I was going through. You have no idea what it took for me to be here now. And then once I started sharing that, then it started shifting even their perspectives. Like, I thought you just missed this because you didn't want to come or because you didn't. I was fucking surviving. So it was a lot. It was definitely a lot. do love what you say. You know, this was happening for me. 

Jenee:
And I think what happens when people, I see this a lot in like AA or, know, and no shame to those groups or NA or SLA or whatever but people just start to loop in the victimization. And it's just like, if it's not one thing, they just transfer their addictions to something else and they don't realize it. Like people in AA, they're like sitting at the back of the room, like devouring candy bars. And it's like, you have a sugar addiction. Like, it's no judgment, but it's like that kind of mentality and everybody's talking about the same thing over and over and over and over and it's like anything that I, for me, I've really adopted that. Like anything that happens to me is happening for me. It doesn't matter what it is, you know, and it's like when you come from that outlook in your life, it's like everything shifts and gives you the sovereignty. Before I would do a lot of like spiritual work because really underneath I was super scared.

And so I was like, if I'm just like, if source and da da da, and it was like, it was really coming from this like fear. But my everything is happening for me comes from my seat of power and the seat of my soul. like really understanding that like my soul has its own choices and experience that it wants to have on this planet and to really try to honor that and work with my soul, that's part of my goal in my whole process of healing is aligning with my soul. And so listening to you speak to that, it just like the alchemy that takes place in that process. Yeah, it's that willingness to be curious, because we can sit here and judge ourselves all we want and say, you were so stupid for this or you were so ridiculous or you were so weak. Like we could go that way. But what does that do for you? It does nothing. It's like, okay, what was this teaching me? Where in this, you know, line of decisions did I lose myself? Where was I acting out of fear and not love? Where was I acting out of, you know, out of alignment? And when you start getting curious in that, then you can...like put yourself back together in this way that's like, no, it's okay. Because that going through that taught me this. Like one, it taught me how fucking powerful I am. So I'm like, I'm literally scared of nothing in that sense, because I'm like, I have been through the depths where I thought death was the only way out. And I was there and I felt that and it was real. Like that was real. But then there was still little part of me that was like, have just a little bit more, like you only have to make it through one more day, you know? And it was like just finding that little tiny bit, like that little ounce, that little drop of faith or light is what would keep me going. And then it's like, okay, you did that. So you did that. And that was really hard. what else can you do? And how else can you heal? And you know, and it is this ebb and flow. It is this feeling super powerful and then feeling like, holy shit, everything could fall apart. And then being like, yes. And that's all part of the experience, but it's allowing yourself to feel it and just be like, yes, I am allowed to feel everything. But it's when you get stuck in it, when you stay in it, that you no longer allow that flow.

Yeah, you can keep yourself stuck, right? And it could go either way. You could be stuck in the darkness or you could be so stuck in this. Everything is wonderful and rainbows. And it's like, no, like, let's be fucking real. I acknowledge that the learning and the healing is never done, but you can get better at it to where you can give yourself that space and navigate it and alchemize it and use it to uplift you. You know, or you can choose to just be like, everything always happens bad to me and I'm always this and I'm always that. And it's like, no, you're making the choices. And even owning that is a hard pill for most people to swallow. That you are where you are right now in this moment because of decisions that you made. You always have a choice. You always have a choice. If you give that away, you're giving away all your power and just acting like, well, it's not me. And that can be hard to swallow, especially when really bad shit happens. You're like, why the fuck would I ask for it to be raped? Why would I ask to be tortured? And I'm like, yeah, I didn't ask for that, but I wasn't loving myself. Yeah. And when I knew something wasn't right, I was still like, well, I can show him that I can forgive him and I can still love him and I can love all of his ugliness. And I thought that that was going to get me love and that was, I was incorrect in that. All it did was deplete me. And I was searching for love outside of me and not loving myself and putting someone else before me that was never really gonna love me because they don't even love themselves. So it was just this, you know, this two people not loving themselves, but hurting each other and abusing each other and using each other to feel something that was never gonna be there because it was never about the other person. It was about the love for ourselves, you know, that we didn't have. Yeah. And it was just expressed in a different way. Yeah, it's so amazing how we can get ourselves into those situations where it's like, okay, I thought, you know, it's like, you're strong, you're happy, go lucky, this and that. And all of a sudden you find yourself in a relationship that is like slowly starts to like come in and transform your entire being and it's interesting. It's like how did I get myself here? I was never like this. 

Jenee:I found myself in a situation it wasn't, you know, it was in no way or shape or form like what you went through but I definitely was you know, gaslit and verbally kind of verbally and energetically abused and like he would he would like stalk me. I'd like go for a lesson somewhere and he would like like a guitar lesson with like a man and he would like show up and be like, what you know, what was going on in your lesson? You know, and it's just like, it's just weird how you don't even realize you're like, I'm not I'm not myself. And then at some point, like for me, I had to move across the country. I was if I don't get out of this, like it just started to feel like a straight jacket. 

Marie:
I'd love for you to speak about your process of kind of working with women and kind of going outward now in like that journey of like, alchemizing all of this and really being like, I want to teach. Imagine you were seeing this in the spaces you were going to. For me, what I felt like is that we were given excuses and I didn't like that. Because for me, I feel like you either have results or you have excuses. You can't have both. Like it doesn't work that way. And I didn't want an excuse for me to be hurt or an excuse for me to be small or an excuse for me to, you know, need to be treated like you're so fragile. I was like, fuck that. No, I am strong. I am beautiful. I am capable. And in those spaces that I was in, was realizing I was only getting excuses and that didn't work for me. So I started venturing out on my own and read. mean, I've always loved to read. it's like reading, learning. Yes, I love all of that. And I am really good about being consistent with that to being like, okay, if I do this breath work for 30 days, like something's gonna shift and I'll be able to feel it. If I do this mantra, this chanting mantra for 30 days, something's gonna shift and I'm gonna feel it. So I would just stick to it without expectation, but with pure curiosity. And what I started realizing was that I was like, wow, I am still powerful. I am still here. I am able to share my story from a place of power. Being vulnerable is a superpower. And I'm like, so many women feel like they don't have that space, that they can't show all of themselves and be held. And I'm like, that's bullshit. We deserve that. And I realized like for my ancestry, I was chosen for that. Yeah. So I refuse you know, to not take that torch and run with it. And I'm like, it's not just for me, it's for my daughters, you know, and it's for their daughters. And it's for my mom, my mom who didn't have a voice to stand up for herself, my grandmother who didn't have a voice, who had her first child at 11 years old. Like, this is bullshit. This is a fucking history of women having their voices and their power taken. And I decided this shit ends with me. It ends with me. And I realized as I started, like even how I started doing cacao ceremonies was not my choice. It literally came through me in a conversation and I was like, why the hell did you just say you do those things and you don't? Like searching right I was at this place I'll tell this real quick but I was at this place and I was like hey do you guys like do cacao ceremonies do you have breath work like do you have like you know womb wisdom classes like things in person and he's like you know we would we have this space we would love to have teachers here like do you know anybody and it came out my mouth. Like he was like I do.

And in my head, I was like, why did you just say that? Like you've never done it before in your life. Like, yes, I knew about it. I knew the tools. I knew how they changed my life. But I'm like, I had never facilitated anything like that. But I was like, all right, spirit told me that's what I was supposed to do. And I just trusted. And I was so completely honest with this person and was like, I've never done, I've never held a ceremony. I've never done this. I know how powerful it is. I know how to prepare the cacao. I know these things. He's like, cool. Yeah, like there's just something about you. Like I really, I really like you and I really think you'd be great. So let's do it. And I just fucking did it. And I think my first one, had like 10 women there and the voice that came out of me I didn't even recognize and I was like, Whoa, I can sing like that. I didn't even know. And for then afterwards, I told them, my gosh, this was my first time. I didn't want to tell you before. And I was like, and I'm not a singer. So I was a little like worried about that. And they're looking around like one, there's no way this was your first time. Second, you're like, what are you talking about? You can't sing there. Like we could hear your voice like in our body. And they were flying. Like they had this, these huge experiences and I couldn't believe it. And I was like, wow, I'm an open channel. Like I just, I did that and it was exciting and beautiful. And I was like, wow, like I love that. And I fell in love with it. And then I just never stopped doing it. And now I just keep sharpening my skills and continuing to learn and you know, continuing to facilitate these things. But what I realized for me is what really lights me up is when I see that shift in a woman, when she realizes just how powerful she is. Like, it makes me emotional now because like when I see it, I'm like, that is why I get up every day to see a woman get her fucking power back and be in her magic and be in her full embodiment. Like, it lights me and it charges me up and I'm like, yes, like this is what this world needs is women in their power. And that doesn't mean women out there being in control and bossing people around. means no, like her knowing her truth, being able to speak her truth and her being able to be vulnerable and being held and even by the masculine, that's their job to hold the space for us. And, but we have to be in our power in order to demand that, you know, and it's this balance is happening right now, like on the planet and all these shifts happening. And that's what we need. So let's talk about the divine masculine and feminine shift. 

Jenee:
Let's talk about the roles of those energies and thank you the wave of feminism, you know, and all those waves that came through. Thank you. When you start playing the separation game, whatever it is, you it's like you've taken yourself out and you've lost and you become a victim to that system. So like with the divine masculine and feminine energies, it's like men and women are not the same beings. Absolutely. Not the same beings. And the role, the roles, I want to, I wonder if you want to talk, speak on a little bit of the roles of the masculine feminine at this time. You know, and what is the masculine, you know, what is the masculine role? Because I think so many men right now feel disempowered. You know, and it's like, I want to help lift men up as much as I want to help lift women up. Because they need to be honored just as much. 

Marie:
Yeah, because the divine feminine in them is also hurting. Totally. it's like, God forbid a man cry you know, my gosh, if they have feelings or, they're soft, they're this. And it's like, no, we all have that and we all need those safe spaces to express that. And that's why like, I do most of my work with women, but there is a very finite group of men that are also like attracted to my work that I love because I'm like, yes, like you recognize and realize that you need that too. And some of it is because they didn't have a mother that was able to mother and nurture them. And so when they see that in me, they're like, wow, this is what a safe woman feels like. Yeah. their nervous system. Yes. And that's part of it. Because if a woman is so much in her masculine energy, right, of like needing structure and needing this and needing things in a row, if she's so in that, she can't even be soft to hold you. And that's where that balance comes in. That's our superpower is to be soft, is to flow, is to be able to transmute energy. That's what we're beautiful at. And creating those spaces and there is strength in that. That is not weakness. is not people pleasing. There's a big difference. It's being able to hold that space. And then with the masculine, sometimes we need that structure to explain it to women like this. If I'm teaching you to dance, right, we're doing some embodiment practice. If I tell you to go out into like, just go out into right, like some huge clear space, like, yeah, just go out there and take up all of the space, right? Go move your body. You're going to get out there and be like, what the fuck? Like, what am I supposed to do? Because it's so much there's no container.

But when we're here in a room in this space, this, in this, right? This right here, we're right here and you get to move and you get to touch every corner of this room, right? And you get to flow and move and twist in this space here. You actually feel more powerful in that container than you would if I just told you, Hey, go out into the middle of that, that field and take up all the space. We need that container. We need that space to be like, this is where you can be wild and free. And that's the masculine. Yes, exactly. That's the masculine. The masculine gives us the structure. So even if a man feels so insecure in himself that he can't cry, he can't be emotional, he can't be this, he needs to tell you what to do, that isn't even how traditional societies work. The women are the intuitive ones. The women are the ones directly connected to source through our wombs. We are the visionaries. We are the seers. We are the way -showers. The men hold the space and do the work. Like in that sense, yes, you protect us so that we can do this. And it has to be that give and take. And it can't be this well, no, I want to hold space and be this. And we can't, there has to be a time and place. And even within yourself, you have to create that structure that you get to be free in. Because if you are just like, there's no structure, I'm just wild and free, then you're just like randomly floating through, going through life, right? You don't have those, just that structure in place. And when people are balanced and people are able to feel all the fields, right? And they're in their power, they're harder to control. Absolutely. So if you know how powerful you are by yourself, why do you need this authority? Why do you need this structure? You know that you don't. And so in this world right now that we're in, you keep people out of their power. You keep people out of their balance. They're easier to control because you can sway them. But when you are whole and you have that divine union within and you're able to be all the things within that structure, how you can't be swayed or persuaded out of your truth because you are connected to yourself, to your higher self, to source, to creator, to God, to the truth, to love, to authenticity. When you are connected to that, you are fucking powerful and strong and sovereign. What do you do with you can't control that, right? And so that's part of the shift that we're in now. More people are finding their sovereignty and realizing this is my body, this is my work, this is my medicine, this is my magic. And I get to choose when and how that gets dispersed, not whenever you, right, or they say I can. And so that's the shift that's happening. And for some people, it's super uncomfortable because no, they need this toxic structure that tells them who they are versus doing the work to be like, no, this is who I really am. So it's an interesting dynamic right now and to witness and also to talk and speak with different people because like almost immediately I can see where they're at and I'm like, Yeah. You feel it in the nervous system, you know? And for me, when

Jenee:
When I'm working with people alongside of people that I know are true leaders in the space, I feel their full sovereignty coming in through their nervous system. It's like, and it's hard to describe, but you just know it when you feel it. People have dropped out of their mentalization and they're in their bodies. And this is part of the movement of like, what is happening and what needs to happen in order for us to heal the planet, in order for us to align with the planet and understand, know, it's like we are the gateway for heaven on earth, you know, our bodies are actually the bridge to creating heaven on earth. Part of like taking people out of their, you know, out of their ventral, out of that relaxed nervous system state, you know, people constantly in fight or flight, like low grade fight or flight all the time, all day, not like we used to be where it was like, okay, you know, there's a bear, okay, there's trouble, okay, now we're out of that and then we can go into ventral. People are in it 24-7 even now. So it's like nervous system leadership is really where it's at. And people don't even know why. They don't know consciously. They're just like, I don't know what it is about Marie, but man, there's something about she's powerful, but I also feel safe. Like she's expansive, but she's like, you know, and you can feel all of that inside someone's aura in their body. You know? 

Marie:
Yeah, that is interesting even that you say that because I, like, even when I was in my YTT, we learned that too, like, how to co -regulate. And there was things that I knew intuitively to do that I was like, like that's a real thing. Like, you can learn that or do that. And I was like, I realize too in that sense like how strong my intuitive connection has been and how I've been able to trust that, but how also important it is for people to feel safe in your presence. And if you're uneasy, if you're unsure, people feel that. And it doesn't have to come out of your mouth. I could stand in front of the room and be all authoritative and all da da. But if you don't feel that from me, then we can't vibe, so actually happy about that and I feel like it's a really beautiful gift to be able to share that with people and get that feedback. Like, wow, I don't know what it is about you, but I feel really safe. I don't know what it is about you, but like I've never been able to say that out loud. And for me, I don't take that lightly. Like I feel really honored and grateful that I'm able to create that space and it makes me want to do it more. but still in a way that's honoring it versus like, yeah, let me just spill this out for everyone to feel and have. It's like, no, I also understand that people have to be ready to do it. Like as much as I want people to feel like what it feels like to be free in your own body, I'm like, I have to realize like it didn't take me one breath work session. It didn't take it overnight. It took time and building that trust and there's no one way to do it. So it's I also love that give and take and that playfulness and that like puzzle piece, you know, figuring it out. Like to me, that's fun. That's exciting because I'm like, yes, you get to be you. You don't have to be me. I don't want you to be me. want you to be you. So I love that, you know, that aspect of it and that freedom in this to empower people. I don't want anybody to be like me. I want them to be like them so I can admire their light and know like, yeah, you did that. I didn't do anything like you. This is all within you. And I love that. I don't want your power. have my own. Sometimes you meet healers or people in that space where it's like, they want all the credit. I don't want any of it. I want you to be like, fuck yes, I did the work. I did this. I'm here now. Me, I'm gonna be like, yay, I love it. Like, I love seeing you in your magic and in your power. That is what lights me up. I don't need, you know, the credit for any of it. Like, and that's why I feel like people like being around me too, because I'm not like, yeah, well, you're that way because I taught you this. Because I'm like, that's nothing. 

Jenee:
Well, that's the true facilitator healer. There's a lot of charlatans out there, or just there's a lot of people that are coming from I think about it as far as like the rays of the universe and a lot of people come from the power ray instead of the second ray of the universe, which is love. You know, it's just, it's like, it's having that true humility. And I think that's what happens in the alchemy of healing when you're really like brought to your knees. And it's like, you can't ever forget that, that space. You can never let go of that one piece of humility that's gonna keep in your truth. And that is, it keeps you in check, but it also allows you to hold, like when I think about what you're talking about of holding the container and holding the space, that's your masculine. That's your powerful masculine. So somebody's able to step into and be with a healer that has alchemized her union of masculine and feminine inside. And that's true. That's true healership. It's like, that's the thing. You're not doing anything as the healer. All you're doing is like setting up the conditions for someone to come in and have their own healing experience. Because they feel so safe in your nervous system. They feel so safe in your container. You're witness to their healing. It's really, really powerful.

And we learned that too, right, healing happens in the presence of a loving witness. Yep. And when you realize that you're like, wow, and most of the time for people, that's all it is. Like they just need to be heard and seen because sometimes it's like, she's always talking about something or she's always this, she's always that. And it's like, man, you are just chipping away at their power or their validity. But when you listen to someone and you're like, wow, I hear you. And guess what? I don't some magic pill, some magic tool. All I did was listen to you and hear you and feel you and then let you feel it all and experience it all and be witnessed. That's really like, that in and of itself is so healing and powerful. Like, wow, I shared my story and you listened to me. Preach. And didn't wait for me to stop talking to tell me what to do. You know what I mean?

It's like, because so many people are like, yeah, well, I can tell you what to do. And I can tell you that it's like, no, you just devalued everything they just did by doing that. Because now they don't even feel valid or it's like they feel judged or they feel like, there's something wrong with me. There's something I need to do. No, you just find your voice, speak your truth, be witnessed in a loving way. And it's like so much healing happens just in the being.

Jenee:
Witnessed and it's just like holy shit The non-judgmental like the just being able to witness and hold someone with zero Judgment. Yeah, like and people knowing that like when people come into session with my husband and I for medicine I just tell them I'm like there is no judgment here and I mean it like I mean it because I've seen it and I've pretty much done it all. Like that for me is the biggest thing. It's like, you can be whoever you need to be in the space and you can say whatever you need to say. And it's not gonna leave these walls. Yeah. You know? And it's crazy because we have like entire families coming to us. Yeah. It's like one person comes and then all of sudden the mother comes and then the next person comes and you know, and it's like the entire generation is coming and it's like that is a testament to just being able to hold someone and allow them to get off of their chest, off of their heart, whatever they need, you know? Yeah. Because people don't want to go to their death bed like that. They don't want to live their lives like that, you know? No. People are tired of living, living a lie. They're really tired of it. And I, and I know we're gonna see more, we're seeing droves of people waking up now and we're just gonna see more and more. So it's like that timing, where you're at in your role is like, it's perfect. It's like your timing and your ability and what you're doing and being able to hold space for people, safe space for people to come into a container and get, whatever medicine they need from you is so vital and so important. And it's just gonna get bigger and bigger. Yeah. 

Marie:
You know? And it's exciting. And even being able to allow myself to do that, right? Because then there's fears that come up from that that are really real. Like, my gosh, and I have this responsibility, or then I have this. And it's like, surrender some more, relax, and know that you have all the tools and that everything you need is already inside of you. It is, it's still a process and it's still part of my healing and part of my life story and part of my whole process too. it's like when you can come from that space, it allows you to look at everything in such this beautiful, magical lesson learning way instead of this overwhelming, you know, like, I got to eat this whole elephant. Like, you don't have to put the whole thing in your mouth. It's still one bite at a time. so it's just beautiful. It's and I love it. I love I love what I do. And I I love being able to to share my story and know that like it wasn't for nothing. You know what I mean? Like it changed my life. And I've been led in that direction to share it and teach in a way that allows other people to do the same, right? So like that's just where I'm at with it and I love it and I'm passionate about it and it makes it easy to do because it's not something I have to do, it's something I love to do. And it's exciting and I think people can feel that too. 

Jenee:
Yeah, people can feel that. I love it, I love hearing you. So just like wrapping up, I would love for you to share maybe someone's waking up right now, they're going through a healing crisis or they're just kind of realizing what's going on on the planet. What's a piece of advice or some piece of advice that you could give them right now? 

Marie: I think, and I believe this wholeheartedly, I feel the most powerful tool we have as humans is our breath. It is the first thing we do and it is the last thing we do and it holds the key to everything. It doesn't matter what I'm facilitating or what I'm teaching. I always teach people breath work always. Even if it's the smallest little thing that you can do while you're driving, doing the dishes, sitting on the couch, your breath is where the power comes from because your regulates your nervous system. A person with a regulated nervous system, you can handle anything that comes at you in life from a place of power, from a place of presence. Because if you are always in your head and you're in the past, everything that happens now is not right now. It's like, well, this happened before, so now I need to do this. You're constantly in the future or in the past, and you can't even be right here. Your breath brings you right here. Every every time, that is your most powerful tool. And the one breath work that I teach everybody, and I'm like, just do it, try it. Like, I'm not kidding, is in through your nose for a count of four and out through your mouth like you're blowing through a straw for a count of eight. You can do that. Five breaths, that's one minute. You can do that throughout your day. And you will train and tone your nervous system to be and rest and digest and not be in fight or flight or freeze or fawn wherever you're at. Because most of us are constantly being stimulated that we don't even know what it feels like to have an adrenaline rush. And when you do that breath work that I just spoke about, when you do that technique, when you're driving, when you're doing the dishes, when you're watching TV, when you're typing up an email, when you're, you know, right before you go to bed, you're training your body. I can be chill in this moment.

So then what you're saying is like, when I'm washing the dishes, I can be relaxed. When I'm driving my car, I can be relaxed. When I'm working on my computer, I can be relaxed. When anything, you do it anytime, all the time. And I tell people, do it consistently for a week. Just one week. Do it throughout your day. Send a little alarm on your phone if you need to, or just every time you think about it, do five of those breaths. And then you'll see. Someone will cut you off in traffic. Someone will say something slick to you and you'll feel the adrenaline. You're like, that's what it's supposed to feel like. That's what's letting me know, hey, do I need to fight? Do I need to run? Do I need to freeze? What do I need to do right now? That is my number one thing I teach people that once you can get your breath in your nervous system, you can literally do anything. It's so true it amplifies everything. You got your breath work down? When you go do an inviting practice, you are gonna feel some shit. You are gonna move some stuff. You do that and then you drink some cacao, you're going to feel it because you're here, you're present, you're right now. 

Jenee:
Thank you so much. I could go on for another hour with you. I'm so grateful. I have to have you on again and I hope to see you soon. I know you're opening a center in Tucson with your business partners, so it's gonna be called. 

Marie:
Okay, so Her Haven is a wellness center that me and two of my business partners, the Healthy Hot Girls, Daisy and Sydney, that we came together realizing that we as women needed a space to feel safe, to come together, to create spaces for healing and embodiment and freedom and all these things. So yeah, we came together and in less than a month got this place going. And it all stemmed from not having a space to hold an event that we have been doing every month. And we're like, you know what? Forget this. We can't wait for other people. We got to take, you know, take the reins and yeah. Is that the breathwork and twerk? Yeah, twerking, breathwork. I get to come down and I want to come down and do that. You know what amazes me about it is we've had full spectrum of ages, like early 20s. No. One of the girls we had, she's 14. So we've had from 14 all the way up to 64. Amazing. this space. And to see women feel comfortable and confident in their body and not be told this is too this, this is not enough, but just be in their body. Oh my God. It's so beautiful. And I don't even think we realized when we started it, what we were starting when it showed up and it happened and the women were like, my gosh, I've never felt so free. I've never felt so this. And we're just like, wow, women really need this. And we loved it. We felt something. It's just, it's been magical. yeah, now we're all thought it was like, the first time I saw the launch of that, I was like, this is brilliant. my God. So I want to come down and be a part of it. When is the opening or the soft opening for your center?

So actually we're going to be having a twerking breath work on July 12th. So that'll be the first one. And we're actually going to start doing them twice a month. And that women have more opportunity to come. And also it'll help because with a limited amount of space, then, you know, maybe someone can make one, but I'll make another. But we're just trying to create more opportunities for women, you know, to come out. So that'll be our first event at Her Haven. It'll be before our actual grand opening, but yeah, it'll be the start of something really amazing. 

Jenee:
Can't wait. I can't wait. I'm so, so happy for you. So proud of you. So inspired by you. Love you. And let's have another conversation sometime soon. I would love to. 

Marie:
Thank you so much for having me. I just, I absolutely adore you and love your medicine. you. so grateful for our relationship, our friendship how it's blossomed, so thank you. Thank you. Have a beautiful day. Thanks, you too.